Bullets of Crap, Anxiety edition

• I don't even know where to start.
  
• I was offered a job to pick up some managing shifts at a restaurant.
• It's a very yummy restaurant and the woman who owns it is totally willing to be flexible with me.
• A couple Sundays ago, I went in for dinner and basically an interview. On my way home I saw a sign for a daycare that had openings. Hubby called them the next day and they are opening a new infant room. They are willing to take infants part time too. It all feels pretty serendipitous.
  
• Yesterday we went to visit the daycare. If I'm honest with myself, the place was really nice. It had a lot of what we want. They start sign language with the babies. They are totally breastfeeding friendly. They are willing to use our cloth diapers. I'm more than welcome to come by during the day if I want to. But it's still putting Baby J in daycare. Really I am just freaked out that she won't get held or attention or something. I know that won't happen. We sat in the infant room for awhile yesterday and while some babies cried, it was only while they got their bottles ready or something. I feel like I just need to get over it. I need to just get over it.
• We put a deposit down before we left.
  
• I'm about to call the general manager/owner of the restaurant and accept the position. I'm not very good at negotiating pay, but I did and after my training they are going to pay me what I want.
  
• And I'll be working a double on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and the lunch shift on Saturdays. Only two days of daycare and Hubby will be with Baby J on Saturday.
  
• I'm nervous, but I need a paycheck and it will be good to get out of the house some.
  
• Today Baby J is four months old! FOUR MONTHS!
• And she rolled over totally from back to tummy last night!
• She didn't sleep through the night but we got one four hour chunk from 9:45-1:45. And Hubby and I were smart enough to go to bed at 9:45 after I fed her. Then she was up at 3:45 and 5:45 and 7ish. Hubby took her at 7ish while he got ready so I could get a bit more sleep. He's a godsend. I don't know what I'd do without that extra hour of sleep.
• She'll be fine in daycare. Right?
  

Will it ever end?

Three weeks ago, I remember telling someone "Oh yes, Baby J sleeps through the night. We are very lucky. (knocks on wood) We do keep thinking it's going to change but so far so good." The next night it changed and for three weeks now Baby J has been up every two hours to eat. Every.two.hours. I'm exhausted.

When it first started we thought, okay we're in Maine on vacation. She's just not used to being in a different place. Or maybe she's going through a growth spurt (she has grown a lot in the last three weeks). But it hasn't changed. We've tried to give her better naps during the day. I still feed her every two hours during the day for the most part. Hubby and I really want to believe that there is something we can do to help Baby J through the night. We are desperate to believe we can change things. I know we can't, but it sucks to be helpless. Everything I've read about sleep regressions, developmental changes, and growth spurts says this is normal but oh my god is there an end in sight? I need more than a two hour stretch of sleep and I worry about Hubby having to go to work with such a disjointed night's sleep. And work? Let's not even talk about the fact that I may be starting a new job outside of the house soon....I can't imagine functioning in the real world like this. Last night we got in bed at 7:45pm. It doesn't matter, I still need to sleep for more than two hours at a time.

Tonight we are going to try to move Baby J out of the cosleeper and into the pack n play. We have the mini cosleeper and she's gotten a little too big for it, I think. We'll see if that helps at all. I think we are still going to put it next to the bed. We think, maybe she needs more room. Maybe she's waking herself up bumping into the side of the cosleeper. Sometimes she sleeps for three hours during the day in her crib...but that's downstairs and our room is upstairs and I'm certainly not ready for that move...

My New Favorite Picture

Baby J, 3 months and 9 days old

Feeling Good

• I'm feeling good today. I had a job interview this morning. I'm not 100% sure it will work out the way I want to (ie partly at home, partly in the office), but it was still good.
• Hubby took Baby J to work with him so I could get ready and then go to my interview. He is a godsend.
  
• We had a nice Father's Day, I think. I gave Hubby a book and a framed photo of the baby for his desk. While I was cooking breakfast he said, "I'm really glad you didn't get me the $50 smoker from Lowe's. I thought you were going to and I really don't want that one." Um, I had that one in the garage at my friend's house to give to him later. I gave it to him and I think he felt bad about what he said but I think I still might take it back if he doesn't want it. Problem is, he says he doesn't really want anything else and I feel bad that he didn't get a rockin' father's day gift.
• I am wearing one of my favorite pre-pregnancy pairs of jeans. They are a tad snug around the waist but otherwise fit. That feels pretty good.
• Now if only I had an income, I would be feeling really good. This not having an income thing is starting to mess with my head.

Some Baby J pictures that I took yesterday! Isn't she cute in her little bum genius diapers? :)

What Was I Thinking?

What was I thinking? Seriously?

No, not about quitting my job. That was definitely the right decision. I am so glad to not have to go back to that office. But I thought I could watch a four month old baby in addition to Baby J? Yes, I had a moment (a long moment) of crazy. I watched Mr. G for three days and let me tell you, it was a ton of work (duh). He's a good baby, but man oh man. I was just waiting for one of them to have a melt down the whole time. The first day they both melted down at the same time. I strapped Baby J into the baby bjorn so I could hold Mr. G too, but that only lasted so long. Luckily these few days were a trial run and I told Mr. G's mom I needed a few days to think about things. Besides not being able to console them both at the same time and feeling like I'm neglecting one half the time, I'm getting paid squat. I'm getting paid a daycare rate not a babysitting rate. The daycare rate only works for people when they have more than one child. The babysitting rate would be twice as much and I know they are not willing to pay that. Seriously, I'm not even making minimum wage and I have Mr. G for nine hours when he's here. Exhausting.

The good news is that I have a job interview on Monday for a job that I hope will be mostly from home. I got the lead on the job from a friend of my husband's. She thought a lot of it could be done from home so we'll see how the interview goes. I'm also dropping my resume off at a baby shop today that lets you bring your child to work with you. They aren't hiring now but may be soon. If I could do my little data entry job and bring Baby J to me at the kid's store, that might be enough for us to get by. Fingers crossed!

Otherwise we're doing quite well. I feel like we've settled into a good rhythm around here. Sister seems to be doing pretty well and it's nice having her around. She's very helpful and loves to hold Baby J. Hubby, although still stressed about me having no real income, is doing well. Since gas is freaking ridiculous he's been taking the bus this week to work. And while the bus system seems to be conspiring against him, he hasn't quite been able to make the connections he's supposed to because one bus is late or another is early, I think he's enjoying it.

The Backstory

So I quit my job on Tuesday. My supervisors insisted I come in for my yearly evaluation and I gave my notice then. It was a hard year at work and one thing they mentioned was that they found my blog while I was out. They actually said they'd wish they'd seen it sooner because they felt it gave better insight into how I was feeling. Anyway, it feels good to be done there. It's still a little weird that I don't have a "real" job.

Hubby and I decided that we could make it work with me staying home. It looks like I will be watching another baby three days a week as well as doing some data entry work for a woman who owns her own business. It's something I can do whenever I want and is pretty easy. I'm also trying to get a job at a local kids shop that lets you bring your baby to work with you! Cool, huh? They aren't hiring now but might be in a couple weeks so I'm dropping off my resume this weekend. Tomorrow is my first trial run day watching the new baby. He's a boy and is six weeks older than Baby J. I know it won't be easy, but I'm up for the challenge and I think it'll be fun for Baby J to have a friend to hang out with.

It feels great to not be going back to the office, but scary and nerve wracking too. Baby J will only be a baby once though and I want to enjoy my time with her.

Welcome

Welcome to my new blog! So yes, my now former employers found my old blog and while they said they wouldn't read it I just feel more comfortable starting over. I hope you'll stick with my as I explore the new uncharted territory of being a work from home mom. I got a new job on Friday doing some data entry and it looks like I will be watching a friend's son three days a week as well. Hubby and I are nervous, excited, and a little freaked out by this new chapter in our lives, but Baby J is most important to us and so this is what we decided to do.

So I have a question I hope someone can help me with...I want to archive my old posts and then delete my old blog. Any suggestions?