Nostalgic

I'm feeling so nostalgic today. One year ago I gave birth to Baby J. The whole birthing experience was incredible and all weekend long I've been replaying it in my head. We ran into the midwife who delivered J last week and I had a surprisingly emotional response to seeing her. I feel very grateful for the birth experience that I had. With a few minor adjustments it was what I wanted and I know all women can't say that. Plus I had an amazing partner in Hubby there. He was exactly what I needed when I needed it.

The last year has been incredible. It has been emotional and scary. But more than that it has been filled with smiles and laughter. J has such a big, sweet personality. She loves to wave, smile and blow kisses at people everywhere she goes. She has such a big heart and I hope that continues.

I don't know what else to say about the last year. It has been such a whirlwind. I've loved watching J go from a tiny baby who only eats, sleeps, and poops to someone who is more interactive with the world around her. And now she is communicating with us using some of the signs we do with her.

I love her so much. I can't imagine life without her. I know with the TSC there may be things unexpected or unwanted that come along but I think her diagnosis has made us enjoy everything more because we realize how lucky we are to have a healthy baby despite the TSC.

Here are a couple pictures from her 1st birthday party. We got J her own cake to destroy and got a sheet cake for everyone to eat. It took her a little while to get into it but she enjoyed the cake!

Denial

• Baby J turns one on Monday.
  
• Even while I am busily planning her birthday party for Saturday I am in total denial about this fact.
• Where the hell did the last year go? It's been wonderful, terrifying, and love-filled. Quitting my 9-5 job and doing something part time was absolutely the right decision for me.
  
• On Monday we also have a check up with the geneticist. I am in denial about this too.
• I continue to do very little reading or research about tuberous sclerosis (TSC). I guess I just don't want to know until I need to...I don't want to constantly be looking at my daughter wondering if she's sick.
• Because she's not sick. She's wonderful and perfect and I couldn't imagine her any other way.
• I didn't know having a baby would be like this. Yes, it's exhausting and all-consuming, but we have so much fun.
  
• I might be in denial about the big first birthday but I am having the time of my life.
  

Toys

Baby J is rapidly approaching the one year mark. The grandparents and great grandparents are starting to ask what they should get her for her birthday. The truth is, I have no idea. I haven't been obsessively trolling teh internets trying to figure out what to get her, but I think it might be time to start.

Do any of you have suggestions on toys? I got Baby J some nice wooden blocks for Christmas. She doesn't have a ton of toys, but I'm okay with that. She's never bored and would generally rather play with the empty paper towel roll Husband gave her. I'd like her to have some nice, age-appropriate, quality toys. So let me hear your thoughts...I'm going to start my search...