Nostalgic

I'm feeling so nostalgic today. One year ago I gave birth to Baby J. The whole birthing experience was incredible and all weekend long I've been replaying it in my head. We ran into the midwife who delivered J last week and I had a surprisingly emotional response to seeing her. I feel very grateful for the birth experience that I had. With a few minor adjustments it was what I wanted and I know all women can't say that. Plus I had an amazing partner in Hubby there. He was exactly what I needed when I needed it.

The last year has been incredible. It has been emotional and scary. But more than that it has been filled with smiles and laughter. J has such a big, sweet personality. She loves to wave, smile and blow kisses at people everywhere she goes. She has such a big heart and I hope that continues.

I don't know what else to say about the last year. It has been such a whirlwind. I've loved watching J go from a tiny baby who only eats, sleeps, and poops to someone who is more interactive with the world around her. And now she is communicating with us using some of the signs we do with her.

I love her so much. I can't imagine life without her. I know with the TSC there may be things unexpected or unwanted that come along but I think her diagnosis has made us enjoy everything more because we realize how lucky we are to have a healthy baby despite the TSC.

Here are a couple pictures from her 1st birthday party. We got J her own cake to destroy and got a sheet cake for everyone to eat. It took her a little while to get into it but she enjoyed the cake!

Denial

• Baby J turns one on Monday.
  
• Even while I am busily planning her birthday party for Saturday I am in total denial about this fact.
• Where the hell did the last year go? It's been wonderful, terrifying, and love-filled. Quitting my 9-5 job and doing something part time was absolutely the right decision for me.
  
• On Monday we also have a check up with the geneticist. I am in denial about this too.
• I continue to do very little reading or research about tuberous sclerosis (TSC). I guess I just don't want to know until I need to...I don't want to constantly be looking at my daughter wondering if she's sick.
• Because she's not sick. She's wonderful and perfect and I couldn't imagine her any other way.
• I didn't know having a baby would be like this. Yes, it's exhausting and all-consuming, but we have so much fun.
  
• I might be in denial about the big first birthday but I am having the time of my life.
  

Toys

Baby J is rapidly approaching the one year mark. The grandparents and great grandparents are starting to ask what they should get her for her birthday. The truth is, I have no idea. I haven't been obsessively trolling teh internets trying to figure out what to get her, but I think it might be time to start.

Do any of you have suggestions on toys? I got Baby J some nice wooden blocks for Christmas. She doesn't have a ton of toys, but I'm okay with that. She's never bored and would generally rather play with the empty paper towel roll Husband gave her. I'd like her to have some nice, age-appropriate, quality toys. So let me hear your thoughts...I'm going to start my search...

11 months and Puke

• Baby J is 11 months old today! Holy crap! I seriously don't know where the time has gone.
• She does just get more and more fun though. Her new thing is pointing. She points and we try to guess what she's pointing at. Then she giggles.
  
• In the past week Baby J has thrown up three times. Lots of puke each time. She threw up last Monday, Tuesday night, and then today about 30 minutes after lunch. We originally thought the throwing up was due to new antibiotics she was on for an ear infection. The doctor told us to take her off the meds because her ear looked 100% fine.
  
• Now I am wondering if the ear infection is back. I'm seriously considering bringing her BACK to the doctor to have them check her ears again. If only I had one of those little light thingys to look in her ears. And a medical degree.
• I do not like cleaning up puke. Especially when it is all over an exersaucer that appears impossible to take apart. I put it in the bath tub and hosed it down...That will have to do for now.
• J definitely gets more spit up-y when she has an ear infection, but nothing like this.
  
• I hate trying to decide whether or not to bring her to the doctor's. They are always so great and fit us in so quickly but I hate to be the over-reactive parent, the crazy mom.
• Speaking of crazy, I often feel I am teetering on the edge of crazy. I think it's mostly the weather. I am so over winter. And my husband's schedule. And a puking baby.

Here's J at 11 months!

We were getting ready to play Rock Band. Baby J clearly wanted to sing.

Is this thing on?

Apparently one night while I was working Baby J decided it would be fun to tackle the cat. Husband and Sister tried to catch it on film. This one of the pictures they got. I think it's hilarious.

So Big!

When did my baby get so big? Baby J turned 10 months old on Friday and I am just in utter disbelief at the things she can do. It feels like she's just gotten so big overnight. Here's a quick list of what she's up to these days:

• Eating table food with gusto! Baby J still doesn't have teeth but she is chowing down on cheese, veggies, pasta, chicken, and pretty much anything we put in front of her. Her desire to feed herself is evident and she's doing a great job.
• Going from crawling to sitting up. I kept waiting for J to figure out how to do this. All of the kids her age seemed to be doing it at school and last night I turned my back for a second when she was belly down. When I turned back she was sitting up happily. Amazing!
• High fiving and blowing kisses. She does both of these mostly when she's in her high chair for some reason, but is getting the hang of it outside of her high chair too.
  
• Crawling at the speed of lightening! Baby J still does her own version of a commando crawl on her belly with one arm but she certainly is fast. She sets her sights on something and nothing will stop her. Occasionally she gets on all fours and crawls a tiny bit but she's so fast on her belly, it doesn't seem to matter really.
• Pulling herself up. I came into her room one morning and she was standing in her crib! Luckily we'd already moved her mattress down in preparation of this but I was still shocked. She's now pulling up on anything and everything that she can. It's crazy. And scary.
• Walking with assistance. Baby J gets this excited squeal and big smile when we stand her up and hold her hand so she can walk herself. She motors around and seems quite proud of herself.

Lastly a funny story: This weekend I was trying to multitask. I needed to get some bread started so it would have time to rise adequately before dinner. While trying to make bread I was also trying to feed Baby J some yogurt. I got a little too involved with the recipe while my back was turned. When I turned back around, J was covered in yogurt. I'd left the bowl too close and she managed to get it and dump it all over herself. It was a big mess but cute too. I grabbed the camera and snapped a few pictures. She was licking the bowl and finger painting in the yogurt on the table. I've included a few pictures below. Enjoy!

More Advice

Baby J and I are still sick. We both went to the doctor's today. She has a double ear infection and I have a sinus infection and really mucous-y lungs. We are both taking amoxicillin. While I'm delighted to have some antibiotics to take to finally cure me, giving Baby J medicine is not easy. We had to give her amoxicillin before her MRI when she had her first ear infection. It did not go well and we were all traumatized. We just gave Baby J her firs dose and again, it looks like this is not going to be easy.

We have medicine droppers, spoons, and syringes to administer the medicine to her but none of them seem to work well. The pediatrician gave me a different syringe with a longer tip on it. I let Baby J play with it for a bit so maybe she won't be afraid of it but we'll have to see when she gets her dose tomorrow. I bought a bigger medicine dropper because the one from the tylenol bottle that I cleaned out last time was about the only way to get the medicine down. However, she just spit out most of the dose. We gave her a bit more and I stuck my finger in her mouth so she couldn't spit the medicine out.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make this a less painful process? I'm okay with it being somewhat difficult but I'd just like to know if there's an easier way. Please, let there be an easier way. Hubby and I both feel like we're torturing her trying to get the medicine down.

Strollers

Hubby and I just booked a trip to Chicago in May. My sister-in-law is in college there and we are going to visit. Yay! I've never been and I'm very excited. It'll be our first plane ride with Baby J too.

We have a Phil & Ted's stroller. It's great, but big. I don't really envision us taking it on a plane to Chi-town. I've been thinking about getting a smaller stroller for awhile and am looking for some opinions. The Maclaren's are, of course, the trendy smaller stroller to get. Do any of you have a Maclaren that you love or hate? Which one do you have? Any other suggestions?

Thanks!

Sick

Baby J and have been pummeled with whatever the latest cold going around is. Most of last week I just felt a little rundown, maybe a touch of a sore throat. On Saturday the faucet started and I haven't stopped blowing my nose since. J seems to have more of a cough than a runny nose. The only nice thing about this whole cold thing is that Baby J cuddled up with me on the couch for awhile yesterday and even fell asleep in my arms for a bit. It was nice. She never falls asleep anywhere but bed these days (and her car seat, of course).

I think we are both feeling better today. I am full of hot tea, OJ, airborne, and chicken soup. I rubbed some vicks on Baby J's chest and back. She's getting into everything she's not supposed to so I take that as a good sign especially since I have to go back to work tomorrow and she has to go to daycare! Let's just hope Hubby doesn't get the same bug...he's got a guy's weekend coming up and I would hate for him to be sick during it.

Yay!

I might have my first bride/client! I decided to offer my services to a couple people so I could begin building my resume and getting some references. My husband emailed someone who used to work for him. She is trying to plan her wedding from afar and I think I might get to work with her. Yay! And I do have the best husband ever!

Thanks

I think I end up here spewing forth what's been rattling around in my head when it becomes too much. The result is that you guys get a pretty random stream of conscious instead of something coherent and mildly interesting, so thanks for your advice. Ironically, Susan and I had been having a similar discussion about holiday cards via facebook and just the other day I got a birth announcement for a one year old. It was very cute and I think I'll either send out a Valentine's card (I really like that idea!) or print another picture to send out around her 1st birthday.

Also, I went to this website last night and ordered free business cards! I only paid $5 for shipping. They say That Silly Mommy, Wedding and Event Planner. So that's one step in the right direction, I suppose. We'll see about handing them out. I need to start networking in this area. Luckily, I think I have a good connection through the restaurant I work for.

Finally, here are a couple cute pictures of Baby J. Hard to believe she's 9 months old and riding in her big girl car seat already (can we just talk about how inconvenient winter clothes and infant car seats are?). She still commando crawls on her belly but is starting to pull up. And still no teeth but you can see them coming. She really is a joy to take care of and even though she still wakes up usually twice a night, her smile makes it all worth while.

In a Rut

Happy New Year!

I'm stuck in a rut. I've been thinking and thinking about this new year and hoping it will spring me out of the rut I've been in lately. I've had grand thoughts of blogging more, getting on the treadmill, eating better, putting myself out there as a party/wedding planner (something I'm very passionate about but a bit nervous to admit), getting out to some play times at the library or local kids store but to be honest, I'm just scared I'm going to fail at all of this and then feel even worse about myself. Ugh.

Mentally I feel like I'm in a better place than I've been in for awhile. I don't know how to explain where I was or how I feel now, but I just feel less cloudy and more capable. I want to do better in all aspects of my life but I know I need time to lay low too. I just don't know how to reconcile the two exactly so that life makes sense and feels good. Balance, I suppose that's what I'm looking for but who isn't?

I had grand plans of typing up a big post of New Year's resolutions and part of me wants to still, but I also want to be gentle with myself and accept that fact that I can't do everything. So for starters I did sign Baby J and I up for a Mom and Baby yoga class. My favorite mom from my birthing class is going to be at the same yoga class with her daughter so it will be good motivation for us to go. The only thing I'm worried about is it affecting Baby J's nap schedule. The class is at 10:30am on Fridays, but we shall see...

Sometimes I just don't know how people get it all done. I haven't managed to get a good picture of Hubby, Baby J and I to put on a Christmas card to mail out. Hell, I have Baby J's birth announcements all done except for the addresses, but I can never find the time to get Hubby to look at the address list to see who we should or shouldn't send them to. I don't know how people get their acts together. It's frustrating and makes me feel like a bit of a failure. I keep thinking I'll just send the holiday card and birth announcement out together but now it's the new year, so what does it matter? I thought maybe I'd send the announcement out with info about J's baptism but now we don't know when that's going to happen either. See, this is the rut. This is where I feel incapable of life at times. Although like I said before I'm feeling more capable these days...I just need to figure out where to start and how to get it done. I think part of the indecision is worrying too much about what other people will think...birth announcements when J's 9+ months old. Is that tacky?

Sorry for the rambling...thanks for sticking with me if there are any readers left out there.