Ugh

Baby J had her four month check-up on Friday. She's doing fine weighing in at 14lbs 3oz and 25 1/2 in long. She's gained 6lbs and 5 inches since birth. One of the biggest things we talked about during her appointment was the problems we've been having with sleep. Dr. P was surprised to hear Baby J stopped sleeping through the nigh since at her two month check up things were going fine. She basically said that now Baby J has learned that when she wakes up at night and cries I'll feed her. Nutritionally, she doesn't need to eat that much so she suggested Hubby, who was also at the appointment, tend to her during her night time wakings and only if she is really crying and won't go back to sleep should I feed her. She also said if we can get Baby J to take better naps that will help with the sleeping at night and maybe we should make her room darker for nap time. Hubby has been saying we should make her room darker for awhile and we've been working on the naps. The last thing she said was that maybe we should move Baby J into her own room. All of this was very hard on me. Have I really been doing so much wrong? And how the hell are people supposed to figure this stuff out?

I'm supposed to provide for Baby J. I take care of her nearly all day every day. I should know what she needs and how to take care of her. Of course I want to do what's best for her, but I'm really sad about these changes we have to make now. And I also feel like I've failed all of us a bit. We haven't been getting sleep for over a month now and all we needed to do was switch sides of the bed and let Hubby take care of her? And it does seem to be working, at least for the last two nights.

I just don't know how to reconcile how I'm feeling. I feel like I've failed somehow, but at the same time I feel like how am I supposed to know any better? I've been reading online and in the books I have and haven't found anything all that helpful. I want to be happy that maybe we're on the right track to getting some sleep but I wish I could've figured it out. And I wish Baby J was still sleeping on my side of the bed.